This is one of my favorite post, so I republish it. Do enjoy it. :)
By the way, today I pay my first visit to KLCC-the first since I came home. A lot of changes out there and surely I'm outta track.
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I experienced sleepwalking and sleep terror during my childhood. Many of my friends did not know about it. I bet, I never told them as I face difficulties remembering it. Yah, try telling a friend of yours that you are a sleep-walker. O_O'
As much as I realised, I spent most of my childhood time (referrring to age 5-8) at the hospital. It was not me who had being hospitalized, but it was my late grandfather. He was diagnosis with so many diseases. Diabetes, heart- problems, lungs failure, asthma, etc. Some of them are hardly to explain with words and sentences, escpecially from my dictionary and perspectives. It will rather be a massive misunderstanding situation or a fictitious diseases. I'm a school leaver and I got a B3 in Biology. -_-'
The vision of him lying in hospital's bed keep playing inside my head, topless and only covered with his kain sarung. It has been 10 years since he left us. We missed him a lot and will always do.
Everytime we headed to the hospital, I prayed quietly in my heart that we would not use the staff lift which is located in front of the emergency room and the mortuary. Actually it was a lift that was used to bring the dead body to the mortuary. Since we were using it, we bumped into dead bodies many times. Fresh dead body. I hate the squeaking sound of the corpse container each time its stainless steel wheel touched the cold-cemented floor of a long, narrow alley, near the lift. Fear is the right word. Afraid is even more accurate. Trauma is the exact situation. I cannot associate with anything related to corpse. Cemetery, hearse, funeral, etc. Even a signboard with 'The Mortuary' written on it gave me an eerie thought, triggering a dreadful state. Gulp! I had never realised it had put me among those who went through mental breakdown.
Not only that I feared the corpses but also being left alone in the dark. I can watch horror movies. However at night, I will have a most terrible night terror ever. I cannot close my eyes. Everytime I try to do so, thousands of creepy images keep playing through my mind. (Actually, it is a matter of mental illnesses. Our mind has been forced to imagine something beyond our consciousness. More alike fantasy,etc. ) Sometimes I have a nightmare and end up sitting on the floor in tears. Then I go back to bed as if nothing was happen. The next day, I feel a little bit strange and I do remember those nightmares but I am insensible. Nor afraid neither relieve. Nevertheless, if I'm having sleepwalking, I cannot remember a single details of it. My mom told me everything about it.
After my grandfather's death, I'm still having those disorders but rarely occur. And by the time I'm in Standard 5, I was fully recovered as I did not experiance night terror and sleepwalking anymore. Now, I'm 18 years old and just happen to know that it is a disease. A mental disease. Poor me though. I also go through several sites on sleeping disorder and I'm relieved to know that night terror and sleepwalking is okay and harmless as if the person who has those disorder is a children below 12 years old. If it still continue to occur beyond 12 years old, it is a problem that require immediate treatment.
Its funny though to know that I once have a mental problem and I have stumbled on Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder on the net> an ilness caused by a traumatic experiances such as war, accident, etc. Maybe I could label mine as PSTD. I'm having corpse trauma syndrome! Yikes!
*Footnote: I'm referring my case caused by PTSD. Therefore, I'm assuming myself having a mental breakdown in the past.
Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) is a term for certain severe psychological consequences of exposure to, or confrontation with, stressful events that the person experiences as highly traumatic. Clinically, such events involve actual or threatened death, serious physical injury, or a threat to physical and/or psychological integrity, to a degree that usual psychological defenses are incapable of coping with the impact. It is occasionally called post-traumatic stress reaction to emphasize that it is a result of traumatic experience rather than a manifestation of a pre-existing psychological condition. The presence of a PTSD response is influenced by the intensity of the experience, its duration, and the individual person involved.
eymanD.
p/s: The true story of my life. Please quote this: I'm 200% healthy now. It is just a story from the past that I want to share with someone else for a long time. Knowing it as a disease inspires me to write about it and to comfort others who undergo such hard time by telling them that they are not alone. Everyone who encounters the same problems as mine, dont hesitate to contact me and by God Willing, I might be able to help you.
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