So much to say

EMOTIONAL-PERSONAL STUFF LOADED.
*warning*


Salam Alaik,

Hamdallah, I am safely arrived.

First of all, thanks for all the wishes. Thanks a bunch. You guys rock my world. You know who you are and know how much I love you.

This year, I anticipated February 5 so much. Didn't know why.. Maybe because the legal issue? or because am celebrating it with my family? Well anyway it's not too late to say, Happy 21 to all 5 Februarian. We do share the special day together and let's pray that we will still have the chance to celebrate the 22nd anniversary. May Allah bless us.

I have too much to share yet I didn't know where to start. I don't want this post to be too personal but I think, let's just go easy on this one, for the sake of February 5.

Well I guess, I have changed a lot since... I do not know when, but I can say that I am a totally different person than before. ya, ya, I know you guys already sick and tired reading about my changes. Well, I do think that this pit stop really affect my life and my emotion thoroughly. So, I really really need to stress on this point over over and over again. As a normal human, I do have doubt on myself. Am I OK with this? Am I doing good? Stuff like that. That's why I need a reminder in case I am forgetting.

Two and half years ago, I was a very brave person. I have so many dreams to achieve. I set up my own goals and get myself ready for it. Maybe I am too confident with myself that I have totally ruined it, or maybe HE wants me to learn something. To be someone. To gain something. Yes, I have gained a lot. (not to mention those extra-fat T_T) Yet, I am still lacking. I am still can't end-task the jealousy system inside my brain. Yet, I am still questioning, when everything will come back to it's place. When can I become normal again? Or maybe I have never been normal. When can I be normal?

I usually don't like reading someone's blog that full of personal stuff and I do believe that you probably hating me right now. Labeling me as a psychopath or 'okay, you're PMSing' or 'get a life, weirdo'. I suggest that, kindly shove your mouse to the X button on your right and click it. Come back and visit my blog when my PMS ends.

What comes around goes around.

Sometimes, I hate my recent writings. It's more like I am pouring everything inside my heart, here. Well, well, well, it's a bad thing. Karma?

I am fully awake and aware that the word IF would not do the trick anymore. Besides, it kills inside out.

No one hates reading someone's private life. I cannot put the blame on you.

I don't know how to express my gratitude to all my lovely caring darling friends. Through my ups and downs, you guys were with me. Giving me support even though sometimes, part of my acts were unreliable. A BIG THANK YOU!

I know how people reacts towards me. How they deceive me like I am not worth any attention nor support. I don't want to put the blame on you guys. It's just, you are not in my shoes. You will never know the feeling and the emotion of someone who has water-curfew, toilets lover, miss-toilet's-directory, and bla bla bla.

When it comes to my bladder problem, I cannot stop to be outspoken because I want people to understand that sometimes, the person beside us is not okay and needs help.

BUT, I will not deny that because of this, I became a new person. I have became closer to my Khaliq. HE is always with me and I don't need anything else.

Okay, at this point, maybe you will start to wonder. SO?

These events really really meaningful to me. I see the world with a better view. I became a better servant. I became nearer to Allah. I became a new me. I do sometimes sighing why all of this happen to me. Why me? But I know, HE will not put me in this situation if I can't hold onto it. He knows that I am strong enough to get over this situation.

La yukallifullaha nafsan illa wus'aha.

I will not pretending that no one reads my blog. Actually, I am hoping that you will read this.

I am sorry if I annoyed you with toilets-bladder stuff. It's not I not trying to be OK. I need time to build up my level of confidence. I need time to get used to those gossips. I need time to not become fragile. I need time to recover. Even wound heals.

Maybe I have sinned so much, that's why.
Maybe there's something that I forgot. Something that HE wants me to fix and I am not doing it yet.

Being 21 is about being legal but it's a sign that HE still giving chances to me. So that I can improve and be a better person. Thank you Allah.

I want to be a good person.
Please guide me.

I want to be perfect.
But I will never be one.
Accept me as me. Because I have already accept myself and it's not an easy thing to do.

iman,
kuala lumpur

ps: maybe I am PMSing. well, nothing happen to me though. Just need to remind my self that I still have works to do. I can't sit back and relax. I need to do something. Wait, I already have something to do.. Hehe. Just, I need to do it the right way. You know what, I know where is my destination. Help and guide me would ya?

pss: Hey friends, thanks ya. YOU GUYS HELPED A LOT. My housemates, girlfriends, 3PM, and all.. I know you guys care about me. Hehe. Luvvvvvvvvvv ya.

psss: Some said I am not friendly and I guess Allah made my face like this. Even I am in a good mood, I will look like this. I am not garang or sombong or whatsoever. You asyik smiling je, I tak kata pun you senget kan. Hehe. There goes my bahasa rojak. Hehe..

pssss: I know my english sucks. Tapi kalau tak train, lagi teruk jadinya...

psssss: Entah bila I nak kurus pun tak tahulah.. Haha.. Give me a good laugh then... =P

Dont miss me Cairo!